I have nobody. Again. Only this time no one is there to catch me before I fall. I’m completely alone. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not in a new town where people are looking for new friends, everyone already has their group of friends and all I’m left with is nothing. No chance of a bright future. No hope. No support. What am I even doing here? I was never meant to be. They called me a miracle but what if I was just a fluke? A mistake? I can’t turn to God he’s never pulled through, my parents are biased, and my friends. Oh sorry, “friends” don’t really care they just pretend to because I can’t help but care. I have completely lost faith in everything and everyone. And have only one reason to live, my parents don’t deserve that pain. What is left for me to do? I give up. On everything.
Today has gone worse than I could have possibly imagined. Everything from last night made my morning a nightmare, I thought I was prepared for my check off and I was sadly mistaken, I was put on a station at work that I’ve never done before so I don’t know anything and knowing this my boss kept yelling at me that I wasn’t doing it right… Oh yeah and it’s raining. I’m a step away from crying, two away from having a mental breakdown, four away from quitting my job, and six away from contemplating suicide… The only solace I’ve gotten today is from watching How I Met Your Mother. I seriously hope my night gets better or else I might just lose the will to live.
I am so fucking stressed its ridiculous. I can’t handle this anymore. I’m supposed to be quitting and now I’m scrounging around trying to find enough money to buy more. I have no friends to talk to I can’t talk to my family. I understand why you’re mad. I broke your trust but you’re breaking my heart and I can’t even talk to my best friend about it because you’re the one who’s mad at me. I feel so lost and alone. What am I going to do?
What is this feeling so sudden and new?
I never thought I’d feel it with you.
I thought I knew you,
I thought I could trust you.
I guess I was wrong.
It will never be the same.
I feel so betrayed.
I don’t know what else to do.
I have nobody to talk to.
About anything.
I can’t talk to my family,
I can’t even talk to my best friends.
I’m not bitter, I’m only a little upset,
More than anything else I’m disappointed.
In myself, in someone I thought I could trust.
What do I do with this?
I have nowhere else to go.
Nobody else would accept me like they do.
I can’t do anything but wait.
It’s all my fault…
